[999+ UNIQUE] Funny Shayari in English For WhatsApp 2023
Read Best Funny Shayari in English And Share it On Instagram, FB And WhatsApp.
👉 Top Funny Shayari in English For Facebook 2023
Roz Logo Se Pange Honge,
Roz Tere Ghar Me Dange Honge,
Yaad Rakh Agar Tune Mujhse Dosti Todi To,
Tere Ghar Me 12 Baache Honge Aur,
Saare Ke Saare Lafange Honge…
Is Duniya Me Dost Kam Milenge,
Is Duniya Mr Gum Hi Gum Milenge,
Jahan Duniya Nazar Fira Legi,
Us Mod Pe Dost Khade Hum Milenge..
Aansu Tere Nikle To Aankhe Meri Ho,
Dil Tera Dhadke To Dhadkan Meri Ho,
Khuda Kare Doti Humari Itni Gehri Ho Jaye Ke,
Juttyiaan Aapko Pade Aur Kartoot Meri Ho
Aye Dost Teri Dosti Ke Liye Duniya Chodd Denge,
Teri Taraf Aaye Har Tufaan Ko Mod Denge,
Lekin Tune Agar Sath Chodda To Teri Kasam Teri Haddiyan Bhi Tod Denge
Sher Sunaata hoon zara ghor se suno,Main Sher Sunaata hoon zara ghor se suno,Ja mein nahi sunata kisi our se suno.
Laakhon honge nigaah mein kabhi mujhe bhi pick karo Mere pyaar ke icon pe kabhi to double-click karo
Mohabbat Karli Tumse Bahut Sochne Ke Baad; Ab Kisi Ko Dekhna Nahi Tumhe Dekhne Ke Baad; Duniya Chhod Denge Tumhe Pane Ke Baad; Khuda Maaf Kare Itna Jhooth Bolne Ke Baad
Dil ka dard dil todne wale kya jane Pyar ke rivazon ko zamana kya jane Hoti hai kitni takleef ladki patane mein Ye ghar pe baitha ladki ka baap kya jaane
Na Jaane Woh Humse Kya Chupaati Thi; Kuch Tha Uske Honthon Par Na Jane Kyu Sharmaati Thi; Jab Humne Muh Khulwake Dekha To Pata Chala; Wo To Tambakoo Khaati Thi
Kya lekar aaya tha? Kya lekar jayega? Mujhe SMS na karke zaalim Tu kitna chillar bachayega?
Best Friend Shayari in English
👉 2 Line insult Shayari in English
Arz Kiya Hai: Dena Hai Ye Dil Daan Mein; Dena Hai Ye Dil Daan Mein; Koi Hai Kya Mast Item Aapke Dhyaan Mein
Girl:mujh par shayari karo, Boy:in kali kali zulfo se karti ho andherain kali kali zulfo se karti ho andhera ho jao takli aur kar do savera
Shayar hoon arj karta hoon shayari Sunlo itni bhi nahi hi buriVarna murder kardoonga mere paas hai churi…”
Woh Bewafa Hai To Kya Hua Mat Bura Kaho Usko; Tum Mujhsey Set Ho Jaao Daffaa Karo Usko
Hai Tu Agar Mera DilbarHai Tu Agar Mera DilbarTo Aaj Ke Lunch Ka Bill Tu Bha.
Aahat si koi aaye to lagta hai ki tum ho Saya sa koi lehraye to lagta hai ki tum ho Ab tumhi batao tum kya kisi bhoot se kam ho?
Gadha jo khaye wo Ghas ho tum,
Buddhe ka Chyawanprash ho tum,
Idiot stupid bakwas ho tum,
Par jo bhi ho yar, Dost Jhakaas ho tum
Manzil kay hai, rasta kya hai,
hausla hai to fasla kya hai,
vo saja dekar door jaa baithe,
kis se puchhun ki meri khata kya hai
Chandni raat sahil ko diwana bana deti hai…
shamma parwane ko jala deti hai..
Ishaq aisi chiiz hai…
jo achcho achcho ko roola deti hai…!
Humne bhi kabhi pyar kiya tha,thoda nai besumar kiya tha,dil tut kar reh gaya,jab usne kaha,aree Maine to Majak kiya tha.
👉 Funny Shayari in English For Friends
In America, one sure sign of success is the presence of an unnecessary waterfall in a person’s yard.
Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.
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When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you’re rich. If your name is on your desk, you’re middle class. And if your name is on your shirt, you’re poor.
A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.
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Any pizza can be a personal pizza if you have the right attitude.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem?
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Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.
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The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
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You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.
👉 Funny Shayari in English For Whatsapp
People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.
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A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
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Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
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If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
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By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
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We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
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As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.
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A man doesn’t know what he knows until he knows what he doesn’t know.
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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
👉 Funny Shayari For Girls
Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
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If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it’s another nonconformist who doesn’t conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity.
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Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
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The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward.
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It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
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Americans are incredibly impatient. Someone once said that the shortest period of time in America is the time between when the light turns green and when you hear the first horn honk.
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The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth.
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Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.
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Men are like shoes. Some fit better than others. And sometimes you go out shopping and there’s nothing you like. And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you don’t have the money to buy both.
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Formula for success: rise early, work hard, strike oil.
👉 Funny Shayari Urdu English
It’s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.
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A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.
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Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.
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Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
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If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.
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Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.
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Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.
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Biologically speaking, if something bites you it’s more likely to be female.
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A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.
👉 Dost Ki Bezati Shayari in English
If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes.
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High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.
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By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
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Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.
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At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.
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It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
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Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
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Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
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Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching.
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The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
👉 Funny Shayari in English For Girlfriend
It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.
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If at first you don’t succeed, quit. When life gives you lemons, quit. When the going gets tough, the tough just quit.
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Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.
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You cannot soar with the eagles as long as you hang out with the turkeys.
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I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.
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When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
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The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.
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We are all here on earth to help others. What on earth the others are here for I don’t know.
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If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
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When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’
👉 Funny Shayari in English For Best Friend
I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. It looks fun.
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A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose!
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The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
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A camel is a horse designed by a committee.
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There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
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I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly.
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If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.
👉 Funny Shayari in English Short
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
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Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.
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Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.
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Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.
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I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
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If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
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A fool and his money never should have got together in the first place.
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Once you give up integrity, the rest is a piece of cake.
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If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.
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Laugh a lot. It burns a lot of calories.
👉 Funny Status in English
When we talk to God, we’re praying. When God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic.
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f you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
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A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
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It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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Behind every successful man is a surprised mother-in-law.
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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I drink to make other people more interesting.
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Never have more children than you have car windows.
👉 Funny Quotes in English
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
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But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
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We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
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Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
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My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.
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To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.
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I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms.
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I told you to go to Cox’s and buy a searsucker suit, but it looks like you went to Sears instead.
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?
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My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
👉 Funny Captions in English
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.
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I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife)… but still my own.
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Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.
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It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?
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I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
👉 Comedy Quotes in English
“Be yourself” is about the worst advice you can give some people.
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A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.
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The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory.
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Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
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The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.
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Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
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Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
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True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.
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The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.
👉 Funny Thoughts in English
The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large.
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They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
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Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.
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Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.
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Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?
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Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.
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All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.
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Sickos don’t scare me. At least they’re committed.
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I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.
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Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.
👉 Laughing Quotes in English
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends…may they never meet!
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Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!
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To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States.
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
👉 Funny Jokes For Whatsapp Status in English
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
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There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
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I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
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Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
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When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I’m beginning to believe it.
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All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
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Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.
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Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.
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I wouldn’t camp out for five days if was… camping.
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DeBeers should change it’s motto to ‘Diamonds – that’ll shut her up… for a minute!’
👉 Funny Friendship Shayari in English
I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
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It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the dog’s owner – and the distance you are from your car.
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A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.
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Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.
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The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.
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The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius.
👉 Comedy Thoughts in English
If your parents never had children, chances are… neither will you.
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Sports are the reason I am out of shape. I watch them all on TV.
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Different taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
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Before you marry a person, you should at least make them use a computer with a slow internet connection to find out who they really are.
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Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool.
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The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream.
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Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.
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I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
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If you want to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
👉 Jokes Quotes in English
Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.
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When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.
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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
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I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
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You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn;t that long ago we were swept away by the Macarena.
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Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.
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The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.
👉 Funny Lines in English
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
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Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.
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Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard.
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I’m not for everyone. I’m barely for me.
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Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else.
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My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
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Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.
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Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.
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I’m one of the few people in Hollywood who actually had a good childhood.
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If I wasn’t a golfer, I would still be miserable – but not as miserable.
👉 Funny Life Quotes in English
Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there’s your diamond in the rough.
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The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.
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If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better.
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Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.
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If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
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God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.
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The road to success is always under construction.
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I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
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The only bathroom law I’m interested in is one that bans loud sighing.
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A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: ‘Duh.’
👉 Women's Day Funny Quotes in English
This is the worst thing to happen to beaches since the Speedo.
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If you think you have it tough, read history books.
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Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
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Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
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It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
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According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man’s best friend is his dog.
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There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.
👉 Sarcasm Quotes in English
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving faster than you is a maniac, and anyone going slower than you is a moron?
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When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
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Happiness is a dry martini and a good woman… or a bad woman.
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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
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The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
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can’t understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.
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Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.
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It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate.
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As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
👉 Funny Memes For Whatsapp Status in English
Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?
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The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
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Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.
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I had plastic surgery last week – I cut up my credit cards.
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Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.
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He knows nothing; he thinks he knows everything – that clearly points to a political career.
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Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!
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I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.
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Royal Attitude Status in English
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